Chapter 4: If I Were You

The next day the weather was still the same. Dark cloud all over the sky. After noon start raining again. Pauline was on her bed as always. The last time she get out of her room was on Monday when she went to the park to tell Jesse they're done.

It was Friday afteroon when Pauline heard a knock at her door. "Come on in!" she said tiried voise. Ava came in and closed the door behind her. "Oh shit! Something is dead here?" Ava asked and the answer came right under of the covers where Pauline was. "Yeah! My heart...." she answered with more tiried voise.

Ava came closer and pull the covers away. It wasn't what she was expecting to see. Pauline was wearing the clothes till Monday. Her eyes were red from crying. All that made Ava sad knowing that she knew all that and didn't do anything. "Why are you here Ava?" Pauline asked as she pulled the covers on her body. "Are you kidding? I didn't see you since Monday and you're not answering my calls! And you ask me what i'm doing here?" Pauline didn't answer and she looking over the window. "Alright! I'm sorry! I knew that day will come!" she sighed. "The truth is that i knew it from the begging and i didn't do anything! I know what i done was wrong!" she sighed again and get closer to Pauline who was still not looking at her. "I know that Jesse been an asshole these nine months! But i've never seen him happier in my whole life! We grow up together. He was the brother i never had! He was there when i needed him. And now i have to be here fro him!" she paused and Pauline turned her head and looked Ava in her eyes. "He loved you with all of his heart and soul! Give him a chance! He made a terrible mistake i know that but he loves you and you love him! You're the perfect couple...." Ava with her finger put away the tear of her cheeck. "I don't know Ava! He lied to me of who he's! I was honest with him!" "You have every right to be mad at him but give him a chance! Every couple has its ups and downs and they are gona make it throught!" "No, Ava! I'm not gonna him an another chance!" "Do you remeber that day when he gaves you his shirt?" she nobbed "You're smiling all day! And at some point i get bored see you smiling! Your eyes were shining! I may not know you for a long time but i know when someone is happy and you were happy!" "Look Ava i really appreciate what are you doing here but i'm not chaning my mind! I'm sorry..." Pauline finished her sentence and her phone buzzed.

18.13-Jesse Now your pictures that you left behind  are just memories of a different life aome that made us laugh, some that made us cry. One that made you have to say goodbye. What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair to touch your lips, to hold you near. When you say your prayers try to understand  i've made mistakes, i'm just a man.
 But baby if you give me just one more try. We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives we'll find a place where the sun still shines. And I will love you, baby - Always. And I'll be there forever and a day - Always. I'll be there till the stars don't shine till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind. And I'll love you - Always

Both Pauline and Ava were out of words. "Did Jesse sent you that?" "Yeah! Not only that. Yesterday Every Beat Of  My Heart. Wensday It's Hard Letting You Go. And Tuesday Stay!" "And you didn'r forgive him yet?" "No, i'm not going to...." "You're nuts! If i were you i would be in his arms right now...." "Ava please stop! Don't make it worse!" "Ok i stop but promise me you'll think about it!" "Ok! I'll think it!" "Good! Now i gotta go! My Gram doesn't know i'm out of the house..." she said and went to the door. "Now you think and first of all go make a shower....." Ava joked and left Pauline alone with her thoughts.

Ava after saying goodbye to Pauline's parents left the house and went to the bus stop. But not for her home but for her next stop in Sayreville. Maybe the weather wasn't in her sie but she must talk to Jesse right now.

After a 30minute route Ava was at the Bongiovi house. Ringing the bell a wonan apperead and together walked into the house. Ava went upstairs to Jesse's roum hoping he'll be better than Pauline. She knocked the door and walked in.

Jesse was there on his bed holding his phone on his hands waiting for Pauline to answer. "There is no point waiting Jesse! She's not calling you!" Ava said and sut on the chair next to his desk. "How do you know that?" Jesse asked with low voise. "I was there one hour ago!" Ava said and Jesse got up from his bed and went closer to Ava "How is she?" "Like shit! I doubt if she ate or sleept for the past four days!" "Shit!" Jesse cruirsed knowing that he was the only one to blame. "I warned you Jesse! Mora than once! And you didn't listen!" "Yeah, i know that i've been an ass...." he said and get down to his knees. "But Ava please hepl me to win her back! My life is nothing without her!" "Jesse get up! And i don't want to break your feelings.... i'm not gonna help you to this! You crew this up not me! Do you know how hard this is from me to see my brother and my best friend like that?" Jesse singed "I fuck this up, didn't i?" "Yeas you did! Oh and by the way did Steph told you to use the lyrics?" "No, i had this idea! But is working? Ava please just tell me is working?" Jesse begged "Jesse to be honest i don't think is working! I'm sorry...." Ava said sad and Jesse sut heivy to his bed. Ava could see how much pain Jesse was feeling this moment but there nothing she can do to help him.

The next day Jesse was like yesterdaybut today was a diferent. Today they'll celebrate nine moths of them being together. Than make both feel bad because now they weren't together. This night didn't rain there weren't clouds on the sky it was so clean and you could count the stars if you wanted to. But Jesse didn't want to count the stars he wanted Pauline in his arms. "That's it! I know i song with arms!" he said loud and start looking to the books and he found it, In These Arms.

21.37-Jesse I would do anything i'd beg, i'd steal, i'd die to have you in these arms tonight.
Baby I want you like the roses want the rain. You know I need you like a poet needs the pain i would give anything my blood, my love, my life If you were in these arms tonight.
I'd hold you i'd need you i'd get down on my knees for you and make everything alright If you were in these arms. I'd love you i'd please you i'd tell you that i'd never leave you and love you 'til the end of time If you were in these arms tonight.

He read it thinking the day he felt asleep holding her in his arms. He knew when she'll read the message will think the same thing. That was what he was trying to say. He never was good with words so he found lyrics.

And Jesse was right! When Pauline read it she thought that day. That day was one of her best in her life. Sleeping on his arms was perfect. These arms were keeping her warm and protecting her but not for long.

The day that followed it was the sixth. That day Jesse realized that Pauline wasn't about answering him and he must change that right now before it too late again.

Pauline on the other hand this period was the wrorse of her whole life. She keep not eatting and sleeping. She had lost already 11 lbs and she was keep going. At least she made some progress. She went downstairs yesterday for the first time in six days to drink some water. She was like a zobie like her sister teased her but Pauline didn't waist her saliva to answer her. She was walking slow with baby steps and her face was pale. Black circles were under her eyes and had no power left. Her lips were dehydrated and dry. 

After Ava had visited her she had change to worse. She wasn't talking to anyone and was lying there to her bed doing nothing. 

It was a day like all the others when Jesse send her his message or his lyric message.

14.10-Jesse It's hard to remember a time when i didn't have you, when i didn't have nothing but a clod bed to come to at night. That was all i knew, until there was you and then you took my world and turn it all around. I couldn't live without you now. Believe me baby i don't mean to doupt you but if you ever leave that will be the end of me baby.
Baby if i can't have your love if i can't feel your touch i got nothing. Baby if i can't taste your kiss then i don't exist. If i van't be your man i wouldn't know who i am, i'll be nothing. No, i can't imagine living life without you. No, i can't imagine living life without your love.

Jesse knew that Pauline loved this song and now he use it to make her come back to him. But Jesse didn't thought that with every song he was sending he was hurting more and more Pauline. That's why she didn't answer to him. Well she had lots of reasons not to answer him and that was a plus.

Pauline really wanted to turn back time. To the day her father told her they'll move here. If they will stay here she wouldn't meet Jesse and she'll be alright with her friends in Athens. But there was nothing she can do for it. 

With every day it passes they were missing each other more and more. It's been a week now and Jesse will put on the table his last card wishing he'll win. He knew that Richie was her favourite so he chose a song of his. The only one who was it was saying what Jesse want, One Last Goodbye.

19.00-Jesse Every song on the radio's about us tonight or the words make it hard to forget as the memories flash back to me line after line the moments that we won't regret.
One kiss for the night we met. One for the dreams we shared. One for the laughter and tears. One final rendezvous. One last: I love you. One lasting memory. One dance for old times. Girl, don't you think you and I deserve one last goodbye.
 We might not get this close again it'll all be alright if it's just for tonight. What if this isn't the end?

Jesse as he was tying he didn't want to think this will be the end. The only thing he was asking was one last goodbye.

"One last goobye huh?" Pauline said as she read the message. "So, one last goodbye you're gonna get!" she said and her eyes were filled with anger and hate as she pushed the call botton and called Jesse.

"You wanted a last goodbye! So, i thought to give it to you! Don't ever call me again! It's over Jesse.... It really hurt me to say this but you make me..... I don't want to see you again! I will continue my life and you will continue yours. The thing between us will be a memory! And stop sending me the words of my favourite songs. As if they wonna come true and just might prove you're wrong!" Pauline was talking without taking a single breath. She could feel that Jesse was listening and couldn't do anything but listen. As Pauline was about to end the call Jesse said with low voise "I love you!" And Pauline heard it.

It was brave of her to say all her thoughts to him. They might hurt both like crazy but it was the truth. This is how their relationship ended forever......